sChmo0kler

without even realizing it, holy week was upon us.  being in a muslim country, i was hardly aware of its preparations.  though if i were a devout and religious christian, that would hardly matter at all. but then again ive always thought spirituality is inside ones self, not the manifestation of religion…  still we had some form of respite as the maundy thursday coincided with the prophet’s birthday.  so we were given holiday off on saturday allowing all of us 2-day weekend starting friday.  good enough i guess but still wishing this could be every week…  and today, after so many months i went back to church.  unfortunately i had the wrong information as to the schedule of services so we were there very early.  we just then decided to say our prayers…  without conscious thought, a couple of realizations on my previous realizations made me think deep of how i have been thinking of how my life has been for years…  i used to say that the best years of my life happened when i was studying in university. well, i always say ONE of the best times of my life anyway. but the truth is the best years of my life were my first 18 years.  thats when we were a complete family, when both my parents were still with us.  and that is when i learned basically everything i need to know in life.  everything after that were echoes, affirmations and associations of what my parents, especially my mom has been saying to us. and now i can never thank them enough for everything they have given me and my brother.  all the love, the laughter, the tears, thoughtfulness, and simple caring… i have always maintained that i am blessed with having many good friends.  meaning i can actually count using more than both my  hands those i call real and good friends.   but i think now i have been more blessed because i was given my family; mommy, pa and mox.  imperfect as we are, nothing compares with what i had with them and with what i have now with mox…  but now, theres no reason why also THIS and NOW should not be the best of times.  too much was taken away from me but a lot has also been given back.  and for everything and everyone i am truly thankful.  and if i can only get past my own fears, skepticism and doubts, id probably be the most serene person there is.  but as it is now, a lot is still holding me back.  one day, someday, everything will align itself in its own true time. i just pray i have the patience to wait for it, the courage to change things that i can and the grace to accept things as they are…